Posted June 14, 2010on:
Those who follow me know I am serious about my chocolate. Saying, “Patty likes chocolate” is an understatement of profound proportion. It’s like saying, “The universe is big.” Duh. My predilection for chocolate goes much, much deeper than this… it’s not just an addiction. It’s an obsession. I plan my day around chocolate. I diet to make room for chocolate. Some people drink, others smoke. My vice, my crutch, my friend, my heart’s desire is chocolate. Chocolate never lies to me, it never makes promises it has no intentions of keeping, like “Patty, you’re my best friend” before it never calls or emails me again.
Last week, my twitter pals told me about the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Chang’s. Just hearing the word triggers a whole Pavlovian sequence of CRAVE in me. Mouth watering leads to thinking, thinking about the way chocolate feels in my mouth and melts on my tongue triggers hunger pains, the hunger pains mean I cannot concentrate on anything other than chocolate, chocolate bars, chocolate kisses, chocolate pretzels, chocolate raisins, chocolate cake, chocolate strawberries, chocolate!, CHOCOLATE NOW.
Um. Sorry about that. My eyes glazed over for a second. Or, perhaps, the better word is ganached.
I therefore called a friend and made plans to have dinner at PF Chang’s last night. Dinner was great. I think. I honestly don’t remember it much.
Dessert, I remember. The plate was placed on the table in front of us, an enormous slab of the dark stuff – six or seven layers – I lost count – of dense chocolate, each between a thick coating of chocolate icing. It was covered in chocolate chips and then drizzled in a fruit syrup. A heavenly host sang an Alleluia chorus. Suddenly, a fork was in my hand. I have no memory of picking it up. I pressed the fork to the cake… No. Calling this a cake is like calling the Mona Lisa an arts & crafts project. I pressed the fork to this masterpiece, felt the weight of it. My tongue was already tingling as I moved fork to mouth.
I think I died for a minute. Well… lost consciousness. That moment, that split second when chocolate caresses taste buds… Oh! I’m sure I saw God.
In seconds, the Great Wall had been reduced to a Small Barrier and then to mere Ruin. There were four of us at dinner last night. Conversation came to a complete and utter stand still during Consumption of the Great Wall. I’m told a war broke out over the last crumbs. I have no memory of this so cannot confirm or deny.
When it was gone, I thought I’d feel regret or sadness. But I didn’t. I was in a post-chocloidal bliss, a state of nirvana not matched since Godiva’s monster chocolate-covered strawberries. Now, you might think being in such a state would compel me to rush home and make sweet love to my husband.
I did rush home, but it was to my laptop where my manuscript had languished for days. I wrote for an hour, word after word, sentence after sentence, page after page and it was some of the best writing I’ve ever done. Apparently, my muse likes chocolate more than I do and that’s really saying something.
If you’ll excuse me, I’ve a few thousand calories to exercise off now.